I’m cheap, and I don’t like public transport. As a result I walk places a fair bit (almost an hour a day as part of my commute). I therefore get to see a lot of other people walking (as I pass them at speed, seriously people if you’re not walking behind a coffin try actually using your legs as a force for good).

People, you’re doing it wrong. Aside from walking at a speed a tortoise would be ashamed of, you’re unable to walk in a straight line, or check before making sudden changes of direction/speed whether it’s going to result in you walking straight in to someone (let’s hope these people pay more attention when they are behing the wheel of a car, though maybe they’re more likely to be found *under* the wheel of a car).

Women: if you insist on wearing your oh-so-pretty high heels to work (because they’re just so darned comfortable) then please learn to walk in them. If the heel is worn down at a 45 degree angle, this is not a good sign. Please check that the heel is not too high for you. My heart is frequently in my mouth not from the shape the heels give your calves (yes, it looks good) but from the way your ankles are wobbling around at every step, looking set to collapse at every moment. Oh, and there are two groups that can get away with walking with their feet turned out: dancers and ducks. Dancers do it with grace, extending through their legs and ankles and (this is the important bit) placing their feet toes first on the gtound. Of course, if you’re happy to waddle… You are also not a French peasant involved in the wine making process, less stomping please.

Whatever happened to deportment classes?

 Yours, slouchingly.